Sunday, January 24, 2021

In the Hunt: Finding Scholarships on Bold.org

 So, I have decided to attend graduate school at Christian Theological Seminary. But, I can only do it with the help of grants and scholarships. I have looked and looked at sites. Some seem to be sketchy. Some seem helpful if not limited and some aren't what they advertise. I was frustrated. So here I am looking for scholarships and grants when I stumble upon a site called Bold.org. It has you earn points through surveys and partner offers, etc. to help apply for greater and greater amounts. I am really hoping to earn some grant money from them so I can pursue my dream of being a therapist. I want to help people and pay back to the community what it has done for me. If you want to check out my profile, here's the link:

https://bold.org/bethany-chatelain/#gain-current-fellowship-award-for-all-upcoming-deadline. Check it out to learn more about the site!

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Updated chapter 1 of “Overnight”

ONE

Brianne woke with a start. Lately, this wasn’t uncommon. It had been happening more frequently. Her sleep had been fitful, if she slept at all. She had always had trouble with sleep. She remembered telling her mother she didn’t sleep when she was little, and while not fully true, it showed that bouts of insomnia had always been a part of her life. However, since starting college a year ago, the insomnia seemed constant, and when she did manage to sleep, it was plagued with dreams. The kind of dreams so realistic that she would wake up and have to sort through her thoughts and memories: which were real and which were an echo from the dreamscape? Some nights the dreams were so intense that she would have been better rested if she hadn’t slept at all. The more awake she became though, the less she retained of the dreams. It was exhausting and she didn’t even have the benefit of knowing why. To cope, she spent time studying, reading, binging shows, or spending time with the only other person who slept as little as she did, Desmond. 

Desmond lived in the building next door and was usually available to chat no matter the time. It was comforting to know he was there. His light hair was short and usually filled with paint or clay. He was an art major who specialised in sculptures and she often found herself hanging out with him in his studio space when she couldn’t sleep. He wore glasses with black rims that were not altogether unattractive. They complemented his bright, green eyes. Brianne hadn’t missed this fact but she never really thought of him as anything other than her nocturnal friend.

She rubbed her eyes and pulled over her phone to check the time. 

Great, it’s only two in the morning. 

She grabbed her computer from under the bed (it had long ago stopped going back on her desk at night). She opened the laptop and opened a tab for Facebook and a tab for Netflix. She started playing her current show and clicked back over. She opened her chat list and sure enough, Desmond was on. That was no surprise. He was always up, though his lack of sleep was by choice. Brianne thought he was trying to encourage the moody art major vibe.       

She hovered over his icon but something kept her from clicking. She couldn’t remember the dream that had startled her awake but the emotions were still lingering. The dream had shaken her and despite the distraction and company Desmond would provide, she decided not to reach out this time. She closed their chat, and decided to unpack instead. School was starting in a few days and her room was still a mess. Things were still in bags and boxes everywhere. Her closet was nearly empty. The only thing set up was her bed and that was only because her mom made it before leaving that first day. It was her mother’s little tradition. She did it every year for each of her kids. Brianne had thought it was silly her Freshman year, but this year she was much more appreciative. It saved her a night of sleeping on an unmade bed.

 She had never been a big fan of unpacking. Last year, half her stuff stayed in the boxes in which they had come to Indiana University. It wasn’t that she didn’t use the things, she just put them back in the boxes when she was done with them. She felt that she would just have to pack them back up at the end of the year, so why bother. This year, however, Brianne wanted to settle in more. She wanted to improve and, from her independent research, insomnia could be exacerbated by an uncomfortable living environment. Therefore, she was determined to unpack early this year. She wanted to make use of her double single room and so she started by making the other bed, in case one of her friends from another dorm needed to crash after hanging out too late with the Collins crew.

 That was her dorm, and the dorm of most of her friends. She liked living in Collins. It was made up of three main buildings and a couple more over on “the hill”. She lived in Cravens which was one of the three on the quad. The floor above her housed her friends, Emma and Anahit. They were roommates and friends from before college. Desmond lived in the building next to theirs with two other guys. They had a suite so usually everyone found themselves in and out of there. Brianne and Desmond were generally there long after everyone else had left. He worked on his art while she read books and did homework. They didn’t bother to talk most of the time, they didn’t need to. Then there was Josh. He lived down the road but was always there at Collins with them. He went to high school with Desmond. 

And of course there was Thomas.

He was a year older and had brought them all together. Brianne had met him late last year. He was sitting in their quad waiting for a friend for lunch in the dining hall. She noticed him as she went in but thought nothing of him. He came in a bit later, saw her eating alone and asked if he could sit with her. She was rather shy but didn’t want to be rude. So down he sat and started talking. He said his friend had stood him up and he didn’t like to sit alone. She listened and somehow she knew they would be friends and pretty soon they were making plans to do lunch again. Things were easy with Thomas. She didn’t have to say much. He had enough to say for both of them.

After a while of this, he brought Josh. Josh was quiet just like Brianne. He laughed at the jokes and nodded his agreement to things but he never contributed much of his own. He was a business major from Fort Wayne and he had friends that were living in Collins. His main friend in the dorms was Desmond. The last to join were Emma and Ana. They were eating lunch next to them one day when someone mentioned show tunes and Emma, ever the music major, jumped right in. 

Brianne had always admired how social Emma was. No matter where they went, Emma made friends. She was goofy and kind and loud. She was the opposite of Brianne’s quiet and reserved nature and they loved each other for it.

Ana and Emma had come as a package deal and filled out the group perfectly. Brianne had always felt they were meant to be friends. And it seemed she was right.

 Now Thomas lived off campus and Brianne wasn’t sure that he would still want to hang out with the kids in the dorms. She wasn’t sure how this year would go, honestly. She worried things were different this year. But Brianne was a worrier. It was probably just another feeling left over from some long forgotten dream.

Brianne climbed out of the bed and opened her closet. As she pulled out a box labelled, “going out”, her phone buzzed. It was Anahit. She wasn’t often awake at this hour. Not that she went to bed early, she just didn’t stay up till two AM unless she was working on a project. Even though school hadn’t started yet, and wouldn’t for a few more days, Brianne wouldn’t be surprised to find out Ana was up working on an art project or binging Sherlock. She and Emma  did things like that. Though neither was an art major like Desmond, they both were fairly artistic. It made sense for Emma, the music major. She was a free spirit and the creative thing came naturally along with that. Anahit, however, was more serious. She was a criminal justice major. She wanted to be a lawyer when she graduated. Brianne thought that would suit her perfectly. She was good with rules, but was also personable, and always knew how to get her friends out of trouble. 

The text was a simple “hey.” to which Brianne responded in kind. They texted back and forth for a few minutes. Ana was sketching Martin Freeman and had seen Brianne pop up on Facebook chat. She invited Bri to come upstairs and join her. Brianne hesitated. She thought about unpacking more but then decided she’d rather have the company. She grabbed her phone and her key and went up to Ana and Emma’s room. She knocked lightly, though Emma was unlikely to wake up. Once she was asleep, she was asleep for the night. Brianne envied her. Anahit answered the door and invited Bri in. 

“Why are you still up?” asked Brianne. 

“Emma was snoring and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to work on my sketches. Why are you awake and not with Desmond? Aren’t you guys like always together at this hour?” Brianne knew that all their friends thought they were secretly dating. It was a fair assumption. They were always the last two hanging out together. For the record, they were not. They simply shared a common experience. “I mean, I saw he was up too and was surprised you weren’t over there.”

“If you thought I was over there, why did you tell me to come here?” Bri asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

“Because I’m better and plus I can be very persuasive.” She responded while going back to her sketch work. It already resembled the current Watson. Brianne could never draw like that. She was more of a writer herself. 

“Well you got me there.” Brianne took a seat on Anahit’s bed. 

“So in all seriousness, why aren’t you with Desmond? You guys have a fight?” 

“No,” Brianne wasn’t sure how to continue. She still didn’t really know why she didn’t want to talk to him. She felt a little irrational for avoiding him over a dream, especially a dream she didn’t even remember. “I just didn’t want to bother him so late. I was going to get some unpacking done anyway. Wanted to be better than last year you know?” Ana nodded without looking up from her sketch but she didn’t seem convinced. Bri almost told her the truth but then their phones all buzzed. It was Thomas. The message was short:

Come downstairs. Now. 

This was unlike Thomas. Since meeting him, he was never short of words. It is how he brought them all together after all. So now, seeing Thomas’ short text gave her a chill. 

She debated texting back asking what he needed but didn’t want to waste the time. She thought it best just to go in case it was as important as it sounded. She grabbed her key and looked at Anahit who was checking her phone. “You get it too?”

“Yes. I did. What do you think he wants?” Anahit responded calmly. She pulled her long, dark hair back into a ponytail as she got up and moved towards Emma. 

“I don’t know, but my gut says it isn’t good. And I’m guessing Emma got it, too.” Brianne was not looking forward to waking Emma up but if the situation was as important as it seemed, they needed to. “So are you gonna do it or am I?” Brianne asked, glancing sideways at Anahit.

“She’s my roommate, I should do it.” She turned to the still snoring Emma, and stepped forward. She gently shook Emma’s shoulder but to no avail. “Emma,” she cooed, “you need to wake up.” But still nothing. She tried a bit louder, “Eeeeemmaaaaa,” She said as she shook and yet Emma stayed asleep. “Dammit, Emma! Get up!” Emma shot up while throwing a punch through the air.

“So much for the gentle approach,” Brianne said wryly.

“It worked didn’t it?” 

“WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON!?!?!” Emma yelled so loudly it hurt Brianne’s ears. 

“Ow. And check your phone,” Anahit responded impatiently.  Her olive skin looked flawless and well rested. Her slight almond eyes were clear and bright and her clothes were clean and perfect. Emma, on the other hand, was wearing a t-shirt, pajama pants, and had a floppy messy bun spilling auburn hair all over her pale face. She put her glasses slightly crooked with eyes barely open. She yawned, squinting her wide, blue eyes even further. 

Emma obliged and checked her phone grumpily. “What does he want? Does he know what time it is?” The other two started to leave the room and Emma followed while muttering some choice words. 

Brianne opened the door to the outside. She was about to say something to the other two when they saw Thomas in the quad. His shirt was torn and he had a cut above his eye. Brianne rushed over to him and Emma finally started to look more awake. “What happened to you? What’s going on? Anahit, call the police.”

“No, they can’t help us.” Thomas reached out to push Anahit’s phone down. “I’ll explain when everyone is here. Josh went up to get Desmond.”

Brianne’s mind swam with questions. What was going on? Who hurt Thomas? Why not call the cops? But the thing that bothered her most was how Josh was going to get to Desmond. Josh didn’t live in Collins. He lived down the street in Wright. His keys wouldn’t work in any of the other buildings, including Collins. So how was he supposed to get into the building and then onto the right floor?

Suddenly, Josh appeared and said simply, “he’s coming,” before flipping his medium length, black hair out of his face. Emma sat on the ground and muttered profanities. She clearly wasn't used to being awoken at this time of night. 

Moments later, the door clicked open across the quad and Desmond appeared. “I have arrived! You may begin your talking.” He ran a hand over his short light hair and gestured for us to begin, as if he were their king. He gave little notice to Thomas’s state or to Emma on the ground. 

“Charming,” mumbled Brianne under her breath.

“I’m sorry to have woken you all up,” Thomas said as he looked at Emma, who simply grunted, “but this is an emergency. I was going to wait until you guys were better prepared but unfortunately, time is running short.”

He paused unsure of how to continue. Impatient, Emma yelled, “Would someone please explain to me why I am sitting on the ground in my pajamas at two in the morning?!” 

“Because that’s where you chose to sit. And could you try not to wake up everyone on the quad?” Thomas continued, “anyway, as I was saying, I’m short on time.We are short on time. This is gonna sound hard to believe, but we aren’t friends by accident. I picked you and brought you together. You all have gifts. The problem is, I don’t know what they are yet. I just know you have them,” Thomas tried to explain. 

“Are you freaking kidding me,” Emma shouted as the wind ripped through the courtyard. “You woke me up for this?” She stood, rather ungracefully and went to go upstairs. “Come on Ana, you have the keys,” as she walked, she muttered away about a ‘stupid prank’ while adding a great deal of profanities. 

“I know what this sounds like but I can prove it to you.” She stopped, partly to listen and partly because Ana hadn’t joined her. “I know my gift of finding you may not seem that impressive but if you give me a chance, I can help you. Though if you really want to leave, let us help. Josh?”

Josh nodded, walked past Emma and right through the door. He opened it from the inside as Emma backed away. 

“What the what!” yelled Emma, her blue eyes growing wide.

Brianne’s head started to hurt. “Emma you have to stop yelling, you’re giving me a headache.” 

“He walked through a wall and you are concerned with my yelling!” The wind shook the trees. Brianne grabbed her forehead in pain. It felt like a great pressure in her temples.

Ana turned to Emma and in her most convincing tone, told her to stop yelling. Emma grumbled and sat back on the ground. “Now, to quote Emma, what the what is happening? How did Josh just do that?” Brianne was always impressed with how controlled Ana was. Brianne wasn’t exactly surprised but she was still a little overwhelmed. Desmond just stood there with a pensive look on his face.

“It’s his gift. He can move through molecules. Well he can spread his out to move between others. It’s complicated but he can walk through things. I told you, you all have gifts. That’s his.” 

“Why can he use his but we can’t? I mean, you don’t even know what we can do,”asked Brianne despite the pressure that was building in her head. She placed a hand to her right temple.

“I’ve known Josh the longest. I had time to work with him and ease him into his gift. We had time for me to observe and work before it was developed. But, like I said, things are different with the rest of you. Some of you, I can guess, but I’m not sure of anything. I just haven’t had time yet. I know this is a lot but there is dangerous stuff going on and I need all the help I can get.”

Hearing the despair in Thomas’s voice, Brianne felt uneasy. Thomas had been their rock and he was right, he was the reason they were all friends. 

“I’m guessing you’ve already figured out that I was attacked.” He paused to take in their grave expressions. “It was by a group called the Asarati.”

“The Maserati?” Asked Desmond incredulously, causing a smack from either side of him.

“No, the Asarati. They are an ancient group who want to claim the gifts for themselves. Right now, anyone can be born into the Gift or develop into it along their path. But they want to find a way to control the gift. They want to make themselves gods.” Thomas looked around the group as he spoke, his gaze resting on each person before looking at the next.

“So you’re saying we could be gods?” asked Desmond with a thoughtful look on his face. Brianne’s headache grew stronger. 

“I’d prefer if you weren’t. There is nothing good down that road. And frankly, you may end up with a simple gift like me. I can find those with gifts but that’s all. It’s important but not terribly powerful. Like I said, I don’t even know what you can do.”

Ana, ever the pragmatist, asked the questions on everyone’s mind. “If you don’t know what we can do, why even gather us? We could be weak. In fact, we are weak. We have no idea what we can do and even if we did, we have no control. We can’t DO anything right now.” 

“There are ways to figure that out. If you come with me, we can train and work together. You have a few days before classes start for the year to come work with me. And no gift is truly weak. They all fit into the greater Gift to weave the fabric of destiny. My gift does me well. I found all of you, didn’t I?”

Suddenly, Josh and Brianne turned to the street. Brianne’s head exploded with pain and she clutched it tight. Ana rushed to her side and asked her if she was okay. As this happened, Josh ran out to the street. He pulled dual knives out of his shoes and took a defensive stance.

Thomas asked, “are they back?” Josh didn’t move. Just then Brianne collapsed. “We have to move. Something bad is coming and we don’t have time to talk here.” They each nodded. Desmond picked up the unconscious Brianne and they followed Thomas to his minivan.They piled in, Josh climbing in last. 

“Drive.” 

Saturday, March 14, 2020

Overnight Chapter 1


Brianne woke with a start. Lately, this wasn’t uncommon. It had been happening more and more frequently. Her sleep had been fitful, if she slept at all. She had always had trouble with sleep. She remembered telling her mother she didn’t sleep when she was little, and while not fully true, it showed that bouts of insomnia had always been a part of her life. However, since starting college a year ago, the insomnia seemed constant, and when she did manage to sleep, it was plagued with dreams. The kind of dreams so realistic that she would wake up and have to sort through her thoughts and memories. Which were real and which were an echo from the dreamscape? Some nights the dreams were so intense that she would have been better rested if she hadn’t slept at all. The more awake she became though, the less she retained of the dreams. It was exhausting and she didn’t even have the benefit of knowing why. To cope, she spent time studying, reading, binging shows, or spending time with the only other person who slept as little as she did, Desmond.
Desmond lived in the building next door and was usually available to chat no matter the time. It was comforting to know he was there. His light hair was short and usually filled with paint or clay. He was an art major who specialised in sculptures and she often found herself hanging out with him in his studio space when she couldn’t sleep. He wore glasses with black rims, that were not altogether unattractive. They complemented his bright, green eyes. Brianne hadn’t missed this fact but she never really thought of him as anything other than her nocturnal friend.
She rubbed her eyes and pulled over her phone to check the time. Great, it is only two in the morning. She grabbed her computer from under the bed (it had long ago stopped going back on her desk at night). She opened the laptop and opened a tab for Facebook and a tab for Netflix. She started playing her current show and clicked back over. She opened her chat list and sure enough, Desmond was on. That was no surprise. He was always up, though his lack of sleep was by choice. Brianne thought he was trying to encourage the moody art major vibe.            
She hovered over his icon but something kept her from clicking. She couldn’t remember the dream that had startled her awake but the emotions were still lingering. The dream had shaken her and despite the distraction and company Desmond would provide, she decided not to reach out this time. She closed their chat, and decided to unpack instead. School was starting in a few days and her room was still a mess. Things were still in bags and boxes everywhere. Her closet was nearly empty. The only thing set up was her bed and that was only because her mom made it before leaving that first day. It was her mother’s little tradition. She did it every year for each of her kids. Brianne had thought it silly her Freshman year, but this year she was much more appreciative. It saved her a night of sleeping on an unmade bed.
 She had never been a big fan of unpacking. Last year, half her stuff stayed in the boxes in which they had come to Indiana University. It wasn’t that she didn’t use the things, she just put them back in the boxes when she was done with them. She felt that she would just have to pack them back up at the end of the year, so why bother. This year, however, Brianne wanted to settle in more. She wanted to improve and, from her independent research, insomnia could be exacerbated by an uncomfortable living environment. Therefore, she was determined to unpack early this year. She wanted to make use of her double single and so she started by making the other bed, in case one of her friends from another dorm needed to crash after hanging out too late with the Collins crew.
 That was her dorm, and the dorm of most of her friends. She liked living in Collins. It was made up of three main buildings and a couple more over on “the hill”. She lived in Cravens which was one of the three on the quad. Then on the floor above her housed friends Emma and Anahit. They were roommates and friends from before college. Desmond lived in the building next to theirs with two other guys. They had a suite so usually everyone found themselves in and out of there. Brianne and Desmond were generally there long after everyone else had left. He worked on his art while she read books and did homework. They didn’t bother to talk most of the time, they didn’t need to. Then there was Josh. He lived down the road but was always there at Collins with them. He went to high school with Desmond. And of course there was Thomas. He was a year older and had brought them all together. He lived off campus this year and Brianne wasn’t sure that he would still want to hang out with the kids in the dorms. She wasn’t sure how this year would go, honestly. She worried things were different this year. But Brianne was a worrier. It was probably just another feeling left over from some long forgotten dream.
               Brianne climbed out of the bed and opened her closet, as she pulled out a box labelled: going out, her phone buzzed. It was Anahit. She wasn’t often awake at this hour. Not that she went to bed early. She just didn’t stay up till two AM unless she was working on a project. Even though school hadn’t started yet, and wouldn’t for a few more days, Brianne wouldn’t be surprised to find out Ana was up working on an art project or binging Sherlock. Emma and she did things like that. Though neither was an art major like Desmond, they both were fairly artistic. It made sense for Emma, the music major. She was a free spirit and the creative thing came naturally along with that. Anahit, however, was more serious. She was a criminal justice major. She wanted to be a lawyer when she graduated. Brianne thought that would suit her perfectly. She was good with rules but was also personable. She always knew how to get her friends out of trouble.
               The text was a simple “hey.” to which Brianne responded in kind. They texted back and forth for a few minutes. Ana was sketching Martin Freeman and had seen Brianne pop up on Facebook chat. She invited Bri to come upstairs and join her. Brianne hesitated. She thought about unpacking more but then decided she’d rather have the company. She grabbed her phone and her key and went up to Ana and Emma’s room. She knocked lightly though Emma was unlikely to wake up. Once she was asleep, she was asleep for the night. Brianne envied her. Anahit answered the door and invited Bri in.
               “Why are you still up?” asked Brianne.
               “Emma was snoring and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to work on my sketches. Why are you awake and not with Desmond? Aren’t you guys like always together at this hour?” Brianne knew that all their friends thought they were secretly dating. It was a fair assumption. They were always the last two hanging out together. For the record, they were not. They simply shared a common experience. “I mean, I saw he was up too and was surprised you weren’t over there.”
               “If you thought I was over there, why did you tell me to come here?” Bri asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.
               “Because I’m better and plus I can be very persuasive.” She responded while going back to her sketch work. It already resembled the current Watson. Brianne could never draw like that. She was more of a writer herself.
               “Well you got me there.” Brianne took a seat on Anahit’s bed.
               “So in all seriousness, why aren’t you with Desmond? You guys have a fight?”
               “No,” Brianne wasn’t sure how to continue. She still didn’t really know why she didn’t want to talk to him. She felt a little irrational for avoiding him over a dream, especially a dream she didn’t even remember. “I just didn’t want to bother him so late. I was going to get some unpacking done anyway. Wanted to be better than last year you know?” Ana nodded without looking up from her sketch but she didn’t seem convinced. Bri almost told her the truth but then their phones all buzzed. It was Thomas. The message was short:
Come downstairs. Now.
This was unlike Thomas. Since meeting him, he was never short of words. In fact, it is how he brought them all together.She had met him late last year. He was sitting in their quad waiting for a friend for lunch in the dining hall. She noticed him as she went in but thought nothing of him. He came in a bit later, saw her eating alone and asked if he could sit with her. She is rather shy but didn’t want to be rude. So down he sat and started talking. He said his friend had stood him up and he didn’t like to sit alone. She listened and somehow she knew they would be friends and pretty soon they were making plans to do lunch again. Things were easy with Thomas. She didn’t have to say much. He had enough to say for both of them.
               The next time they did lunch he brought Josh. Josh was quiet just like Brianne. He laughed at the jokes and nodded his agreement to things but he never contributed much of his own. He was a business major from Fort Wayne and he had friends that were living in this dorm. His main friend in the dorms was named Desmond. The last to join were Emma and Ana. They were eating lunch next to them one day when someone mentioned show tunes and Emma, ever the music major, jumped right in. Now that she thought of it, it was Thomas who had mentioned it, as if he knew the reaction he would cause.
Brianne always admired how social Emma was. No matter where they went, Emma made friends. She was goofy and kind and loud. She was the opposite of Brianne’s quiet and reserved nature and they loved each other for it.
Ana and Emma came as a package deal and filled out the group perfectly. Brianne felt they were meant to be friends. And it seemed she was right. So now, seeing Thomas’ short text gave her a chill.
She debated texting back asking what he needed but didn’t want to waste the time. She thought it best just to go in case it was as important as it sounded. She grabbed her key and looked at Anahit who was checking her phone. “You get it, too?”
“Yes. I did. What do you think he wants?” Anahit responded calmly. She pulled her long, dark hair back into a ponytail as she got up and moved towards Emma.
“I don’t know, but my gut says it isn’t good.

               “Thomas texted us. It sounded urgent,” replied Anahit as she pulled her long dark hair back into a ponytail. Her olive skin looked flawless and well rested. Her slight almond eyes were clear and bright and her clothes were clean and perfect. Emma, on the other hand, was wearing a t-shirt, pajama pants, and had a floppy messy bun spilling auburn hair all over her pale face. Her glasses were slightly crooked and her eyes were barely open. She yawned squinting her wide, blue eyes even further.
               “What do you think he wants?” Brianne asked as they opened the door to the outside. But before the other two could answer, they saw him. His shirt was torn and he had a cut above his eye. Brianne rushed over to him and Emma finally started to look more awake. “What happened to you? What’s going on? Anahit, call the police.”
               “No, they can’t help us.” Thomas reached out to push Anahit’s phone down. “I’ll explain when everyone is here. Josh went up to get Desmond.” Brianne’s mind swam with questions. What was going on? Who hurt Thomas? Why not call the cops? But the thing that bothered her most was how Josh was going to get to Desmond. Josh didn’t live in Collins. He lived down the street in Wright. His keys wouldn’t work in any of the other buildings, including Collins. So how was he supposed to get into the building and then onto the right floor?
               Suddenly, Josh appeared and said simply, “he’s coming,” before flipping his medium length, black hair out of his face. Emma sat on the ground and muttered profanities. She clearly wasn't used to being awake at this time of night.
               Moments later, the door clicked open across the quad and Desmond appeared. “I have arrived! You may begin your talking.” He ran a hand over his short light hair and gestured for us to begin, as if he were their king. He gave little notice to Thomas’s state or to Emma on the ground.
               “Charming,” mumbled Brianne under her breath.
               “I’m sorry to have woken you all up,” Thomas said as he looked at Emma, who simply grunted, “but this is an emergency. I was going to wait until you guys were better prepared but unfortunately, time is running short.”
               He paused unsure of how to continue. Impatient, Emma yelled, “Would someone please explain to me why I am sitting on the ground in my pajamas at two in the morning?!”
               “Because that is where you chose to sit. And could you try not to wake up everyone on the quad?” Thomas continued, “anyway, as I was saying, I’m short on time. We are short on time. This is gonna sound hard to believe, but we aren’t friends by accident. I picked you and brought you together. You all have gifts. The problem is, I don’t know what they are yet. I just know you have them.” Thomas had a unique gift. He could sense others that had gifts but unfortunately, he could not tell what those gifts were or even how strong they were.
               “Are you freaking kidding me,” Emma shouted as the wind ripped through the courtyard. “You woke me up for this?” She stood, rather ungracefully and went to go upstairs. “Come on Ana, you have the keys,” as she walked, she muttered away about a ‘stupid prank’ while adding a great deal of profanities.
               “I know what this sounds like but I can prove it to you.” She stopped, partly to listen and partly because Ana had not joined her. “I know my gift of finding you may not seem that impressive but if you give me a chance, I can help you. Though if you really want to leave, let us help. Josh.” Josh nodded, walked past Emma and right through the door. He opened it from the inside as Emma backed away.
               “What the what!” yelled Emma.
Brianne’s head started to hurt. “Emma you have to stop yelling, you are giving me a headache.”
               “He walked through a wall and you are concerned with my yelling!” the wind shook the trees. Brianne grabbed her forehead in pain. It felt like a great pressure in her temples.
               Ana turned to Emma and in her most convincing tone, told her to stop yelling. Emma grumbled and sat back on the ground. “Now, to quote Emma, what the what is happening? How did Josh just do that?” Brianne was always impressed with how controlled Ana was. Brianne wasn’t exactly surprised but she was still a little overwhelmed. Desmond just stood there with a pensive look on his face.
               “It is his gift. He can move through molecules. Well he can spread out his to move between others. It’s complicated but he can walk through things. I told you, you all have gifts. That’s his”
               “Why can he use his but we can’t. I mean, you don’t even know what we can do,”asked Brianne despite the pressure that was building in her head. She placed a hand to her right temple.
               “I’ve known Josh the longest. I had time to work with him and ease him into his gift. We had time for me to observe and work before it was developed. But, like I said, things are different with the rest of you. Some of you, I can guess, but I’m not sure of anything. I just haven’t had time yet. I know this is a lot but there is danger and I need all the help I can get.”                     Hearing the despair in Thomas’s voice, Brianne felt uneasy. Thomas had been their rock and he was right, he was the reason they were all friends.
                              “I’m guessing you have already figured out that I was attacked,” he paused to take in their grave expressions. “It was by a group called the Asarati.”
               “The Masarati?” Asked Desmond incredulously. Causing a smack from either side of him.
               “No, the Asarati. They are an old group who want to claim the gifts for themselves. Right now, anyone can be born into the gift or develop into it along their path. But they want to find a way to control the gift. They want to make themselves gods.” Thomas looked around the group as he spoke, taking in their reactions.
               “So you’re saying we could be gods?” asked Desmond with a thoughtful look on his face. Brianne’s headache grew stronger.
               “I’d prefer if you weren’t. There is nothing good down that road. And frankly, you may end up with a simple gift like me. I can find those with gifts but that’s all. It is important but not terribly powerful. Like I said, I don’t even know what you can do.”
               “If you don’t know what we can do, why even gather us? We could be weak. In fact, we are weak. We have no idea what we can do and even if we did, we have no control. We can’t DO anything right now.” Ana, ever the pragmatist, asked the questions on everyone’s mind.
               “There are ways to figure that out. If you come with me, we can train and work together. You have days before classes to come work with me. And no gift is truly weak. They all fit into the greater gift to weave the fabric of destiny. My gift does me well. I found all of you didn’t I?”
               Suddenly, Josh and Brianne, turned to the street. Brianne’s head exploded with pain and she clutched it tight. Ana rushed to her side and asked her if she was okay. As this happened, Josh ran out to the street. He pulled dual knives out of his shoes and took a defensive stance. Thomas asked, “are they back?” Josh didn’t move. Just then Brianne collapsed. “We have to move. Something bad is coming and we don’t have time to talk here.” They each nodded. Desmond picked up the unconscious Brianne and they followed Thomas to his minivan. They piled in, Josh climbing in last.

               “Drive.”

Thursday, March 2, 2017

A letter to those who think life is hard,

It is. Life is hard. I try not to make a habit of lying and so I will admit life is hard. And unfortunately life is harder for some than for others but, it is also good. Now, I wrote a post a while ago titled "A letter to those struggling." In it I gave a pep talk where I mentioned that everyone goes through struggles and feels like everyone has it together but them. And before I go further, I want to reiterate, you are not alone. You never have to be alone. Even if you feel alone or your mind, like mine, tells you that you are, YOU ARE NEVER TRULY ALONE. There are people out there that think about you and what you to be happy even if you don't know it.

Now that being said, back to today's point. Life is hard. Now I know, some of you are wishing I would stop reminding you, but some of you probably need to hear someone else admit it. I am now 25 years old and have been in recovery for 5 years. While I still struggle from time to time, I have come so far that I made it to the end of February before remembering my January hospitilization. You know, I always hate when people say it will get better but it did. The first year I remembered and it crushed me. I felt like my recovery was still just starting and that I hadn't made much progress. The second was better but still hard and then I hit my third. The date started to fade and the details weren't as vivid. I realized, that things really did get better. I had started to become my own person. So for me to realize I had forgotten about it was amazing to me.

So yes life is hard. Life is loud, and scary, and messy. Life is terrible sometimes, but I am never alone and I am growing. I have improved so much in five short years and I know that as you struggle, you will too. It sucks to get there but it is possible.

Always here,

B. Anne

Friday, May 8, 2015

To Those Graduating,

Congratulations! You made it. After 2-5 years of work (or perhaps longer) you have reached a point of completion. You graduated! Whether it be from high school, college, or any other such thing, you did it. And sure it took a lot of time and effort. Sure there were times when you wanted to cry and quit school to start your own fight club or cat breeding establishment. But you didn't. You persevered and ended up with a piece of paper to prove it!

Now I know some people say the job market out there is not so great and that higher education costs will leave you in life long debt, but none of that matters right now, because YOU GRADUATED

Congrats Grad!

Like Leo in titanic, you're the king of the world and you paint me like one of your French women. Sure that may not have made sense but, I myself am a graduate so I can say whatever I want.

I'm sure many people are asking what your future plans are? What's next for their smart and accomplished graduate? Where are you going in life? When are you gonna start your career/family/slow collapse into insanity? Perhaps, you do not have an answer for these people, but like me, would rather collapse into a ball and grow a turtle shell in which to hide forever. Alas, though you gain many skills and powers from graduating, this is not possible.

Image result for turtle shell hiding gif(essaalroc.com)

And I know what you are thinking "why yes, yes it is." I'm sorry but truly it is not. A close second however, is a pile of blankets and pillows with a sign that reads simply "The number you have reached is currently out of service." The confusion/frustration should help keep those pesky question askers at bay.

"But, I have answers to those questions." "Yeah i already have a job lined up, with a ten year life plan in place as well." Good for you. Now excuse me while I attach this sign to my blanket fort.

Now that those people have left to go work while we hide in this well built fortress of comfort, we can talk about the real things in life. Like convincing yourself that maybe that retail job you had a couple summers ago will still need help and let you stay on for a bit. You know just until you find something more permanent. You definitely aren't one of those people that will give in to the comfort of familiarity and stay there forever. No, you will beat the cycle! Definitely.

But for now the future does not matter, because you my friend, have graduated.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Dear people of my generation,

Dear people of my generation,

Put away your phones. Look your experiences in the eyes not through a lens. I know that you want to be in constant communication with the world and that you want to document everything but it seems in documenting everything we miss truly experiencing it for ourselves.

I went to a concert a couple nights ago and as soon as the headliner took the stage, there was a field of phones in the air. And most of these were the ones closest to the band. It wasn't just the lights of the phones that was a problem for me, it was the fact that people were staring at the phone screen instead of the band! 

They missed out on the experience of everything by staring at their phones. They couldn't dance crazy with their friends in fear of ruining the recording. They didn't see the beads of sweat on the lead singer as he got worked up by his performance. Instead they were staring at a phone. And this is not an uncommon phenomena.

Often times, I will be with my partner or my best friend and I feel isolated because they are on their phone. My partner will be holding me with one arm as we (or should I say I) watch a movie and with his other hand, he is scrolling through Tumblr. Now, most of the time I do not mind, but when we have been too busy to spend time together and we specifically schedule time to catch up and shower each other with affection, it bothers me when he chooses to play on his phone. The same goes for my roommate or my siblings. The older we get, the busier we become and I want to feel my time is valued. When I go to a restaurant with people I want to create experiences. I want to talk to the people in front of me. I want to people watch together.

Technology is amazing and serves so many important purposes but be careful not to miss what is in front of you. Watch that movie. Call that girl instead of texting her. Make up a game with your friends. Really see the world. Sure take pictures but don't let recording memories take away from making them.

Life is so much brighter without the lens. So put the phone away. Make some good memories.

Sincerely,
B. Anne

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

From bad to good

At the beginning of the summer, my partner and I had a discussion wherein I learned that the University we met at was not his first choice. He went here because he did not get into the program he wanted at another school. This made me start thinking about all of the things that had to happen for he and I to meet. Skipping the obvious idea that we both had to be born and the like, we both had to graduate high school in high enough standing to get into our school. He had to not get into his first choice. He had to have met the guy years before that would be his roommate and then live with him. My cousin had to go to our university and then not graduate in four years. Then my cousin and the roommate had to move in together. They then throw a party and both my partner and I had to be available and willing to go. And finally, we had to run into each other at this party.

And that is just to meet. We didn't start dating for months. In fact, after that party, we didn't speak until we ran into one another at another at another party the next school year at the same house! So many little details had to go exactly right for us to be together and that is just one relationship in my life.

I challenge you to think of an important relationship or moment in your life and think about how things had to be for you to end up the way you did. Did you do it?

Now that you have thought about all the things that lead to your moment or relationship, did it include any bad moments? Did it include your weaknesses? Your failures? Mine did. Like I said my partner didn't get into his first choice school but he wasn't the only one whose failures contributed to our love story. The first night we met I got drunk and made out with a guy that I didn't know. My friend then stopped me by saying it was time to go and I was upset with myself. I didn't like that I had gotten so sloppy drunk, though I wasn't all the sloppy. I had let myself down. BUUUUUTTTTTT, the reason why he decided he wanted to date me is because I approached him at the second party by simply saying, 'didn't I make out with you?' knowing full well I had. He thought it was cute and funny and he wanted to get to know me better.

My failure turned into something wonderful. When you start to feel bad and like everything is the worst pick one big moment from your life and think of everything that had to line up for that to happen. Think of all the bad that lead to it. And remember that the bad you experience may be part of something so much better. Mine did.